• Substance Moms

One Hilarious Hospital Experience

It was the craziest thing I had ever seen. Stretchers were passing by holding patients in agony. Another patient had a deep cut on his ankle with blood gushing everywhere. The large, white lobby felt cold and sterile while receptionists shuffled around, busy as ever. 


I sat there for hours too, waiting to hear about Miles's condition. Finally the nurse came out to talk to me. I can still see her brown eyes, so serious and misty, like she truly felt the sadness I was supposed to be feeling.  


She calmly and quietly asked, “In the event that Miles stops breathing, do you want the doctors to perform CPR?” I paused to reflect. 


The truth is, we really aren’t that close. He is super selfish. I give and give and give, and he just takes and takes and takes. He doesn’t care about me or the rest of the family.   


“How much does that cost??” I blurted.


“Well, do you have insurance?”  


“Not for him!” I laughed.


“Well, it’s probably somewhere between 500-900 dollars.” 


“No thanks.”


So they took Miles into a room and handed me a flyer. I glanced it over: Visiting hours (Yeah right!) Phone calls welcome (I rolled my eyes.)  All you need to know about the “One-on-One” Nurse (Are you kidding me??!?) 


I called my husband to break the bad news: “Hi honey. He’s stable and will be alright, but it’s going to cost 17.4 million dollars.”  My husband’s deep heavy sigh said everything. 

  

You see, Miles is our cat. 


He hadn’t been eating or drinking so we brought him to the pet hospital, and that’s where my mind was completely blown! This was a full on emergency room where CPR is seriously performed, animals are really on stretchers, and my cat actually DID have a one-on-one nurse. A ONE-ON-ONE NURSE! 


While there, Miles was also diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. (Yes, the same thing that humans can have. #eyeroll) They took his blood pressure with a tiny cuff on his tiny arm. He had a feeding tube and was on IV fluids. I didn’t see him, but I am certain he was wearing a light blue robe and blue skull cap (which probably cost extra). 


The morning after he was brought in I received a call. It was a male voice that sounded very urgent. I thought my cat must not be doing well but instead he said, “Miles is being transferred from ICU to Internal Medicine as we speak.”  I literally laughed out loud.  


He spent two nights there in the hospital. He had a procedure that went well, but when he got home, I noticed he wasn’t eating his food. I called to ask if there may be a reason for this.  Well, apparently in the pet hospital (or award-winning 4 star hotel) Miles was given Filet Mignon & Seafood medley cat food, so now he didn't want his old food anymore! So while Miles will now be eating his thousand-dollar meal, the rest of us will be eating Mac N Cheese.


Oh, and this is a picture of him after he got home from the hospital. His arm is shaved, because, obviously they needed to draw blood and test him for 47,000 diseases.  



I'm glad that he is okay, really, I am. (And if I tell myself that long enough, one day I’ll actually believe it, right?).    



Sarah Gonzalez is a stay-at-home mom who loves Jesus and caring for her two young children. She loves date nights and walks with her husband, and using creativity and humor through artistic outlets like writing and photography.  She is also a self-diagnosed quitter-in-recovery, and you can read about this journey at her blog: www.wheniquitquitting.com.

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